3652 Days Later...
If you asked me how I felt on this day ten years ago, I doubt you would’ve understood me because there were few moments on July 1, 2005, that I wasn’t crying. But if I mustered up the strength to talk to you, I would’ve told you it was cruel and unfair. If everything was supposed to work together for my good, God had some serious explaining and enlightening to do. One decade later, a stronger, wiser, battletested E-Man would still tell you it’s unfair—but in a totally different context.
Those memories of my mom and I huddled up in Presbyterian’s emergency room still feel as vibrant to me as ever. While my friends were preparing for fireworks and cookouts, I was too busy getting ready to bury my father -- the closest thing to a superhero I had on this earth. And up until ten days ago, I spent countless hours, cried gallons of tears and spiraled through a myriad of emotions --sadness, jealousy, anger-- attempting to answer the million dollar question: Why did this happen. Now I know exactly why.
When first realized I wanted to be a sports journalist in ninth grade, it was simply a dream to me. I figured I would embark on my career during my junior year of college and use the time in between to have fun. But when I observed the success some of my friends were having in this field -- Emily having an opinion article published in The Charlotte Observer and Chris doing incredible things in Kansas with his broadcasting -- I realized I had to step my game up. While they were investing their time to prepare themselves for a promising future, I was sitting at home playing my Xbox and being on Twitter. Suddenly, the fear of being left behind was terrifying and brought chills down my spine. Even though they didn’t know it at the time, they motivated me and created what I am today because they awakened the competitive side of me that I never knew I had.
That competitive edge is what led me to be where I am now. When I first talked with the Observer’s editors after shadowing the Panthers’ reporters and they told me they do not offer high school kids a position on their staff because they require a substantial amount of college and commercial experience, I thought to myself
“I’m going to be the one to break that trend because I’m not a normal high school student.”
No other twelfth grader would be up at 4:00am working on an article that had no academic merit or sit in a press box full of grown men while all their friends were enjoying themselves in the student section on Friday nights. My ambition to separate myself came with great sacrifices, especially to my senior wrestling season and my social life, but I was chasing after something no one truly understood but me. Now, I can confidently guess that there is probably not another writer my age that is on a first name basis and has frequent text message conversations and face-to-face discussions with the sports editor of the largest newspaper in their state.
But the more I thought about it, the more it became impossible for me to believe that the things I have accomplished are void of any upward significance. God, in His loving providence, hasn’t given me so much success merely so I can upload selfies on Instagram and have people tell me how proud and impressed they are of me. If I claim to be a follower of Christ, I am commanded to utilize my God-given gifts, talents and position to be a vessel for the gospel to prosper. And with today’s media holding insurmountable power, I know I’m being held to a higher standard to proclaim the truth, not to toot my own horn or stroke my ego. He must increase and I must decrease.
“Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.”’- John 14:12-13
It’s also a strange “coincidence” to me that this month marks the one-year anniversary of when the late Stuart Scott was awarded the Jimmy V Perseverance ESPY on ESPN’s annual award show. In an auditorium entrenched with thousands of significant sports media personalities and professional athletes, Scott uttered his now famous line;
“You beat cancer by, how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live.”
It may be blasphemy to compare myself to such an iconic man, but bear with me. Although my body may not be infected with cancerous cells devouring away at my life, I still feel as if his quote applies to me directly. In my case, however, I have the power to inspire and bring people to Christ by how I live, why I live, and in the manner in which I live.
My baptism a week and a half ago on Father’s Day made this incredibly clear to me. When Mr. Robertson was informing everyone about my story, it was hard to find a dry eye on the beach, which made me realize the impact my mountainous narrative has on other people.
I did all my crying at my dad’s gravesite a month earlier, so I was able to think clearly and objectively. The conclusion I ended up with is that the situation I faced should have turned me into a statistic—just another fatherless African-American boy who embodied every malicious stereotype and would eventually be at the wrong place at the wrong time. But by the grace of God, He handpicked and placed individuals and families into my life that shaped and molded me so that I wouldn’t fail.
He enabled Mrs. Moore, Mr. White and Mrs. Patton -- my 2nd-4th grade teachers -- the power and knowledge to bring me to salvation and to impart a strong Biblical foundation in me that I can use to defend my faith in a politically correct and immoral country that is drifting away from the truth every millisecond.
He gave me parents away from home in the Robertsons, the Venzons, the Hewitts and the Vanwingerdens who lovingly included me into their families as if I was one of their sons.
He provided teachers like Mrs. Richardson, Mrs. Schoenrock, Mrs. Causey, Mrs. Handlogten, Mrs. Werner and Mr. Hunt who never refused to proofread one more of my essays or give me advice despite the pile of assignments they had to grade.
He gave me coaches like Coach Causey, Coach Nerness and Coach Cox who imbedded in me an inimitable work ethic and the attention to detail that surpasses the weight room and transitions to every aspect of my life.
He presented me with pastors and leaders in my church such as Bobby, Roland, Simon, Dave and Jim who genuinely want to know me on personal level and help me to passionately pursue a God-centered life at all costs.
He graced me with godly role models in my life like Mr. McGregor, Mr. Carter, Dr. Jefferies and Mr. Craft as examples on how to be successful as a father, husband and businessman despite mainstream’s deception that they cannot because of the
pigmentation of their skin.
He gave me lifelong friends in John, Sasha, Chris, Noah, Hamilton, and countless others who helped take my mind off of things and forged unforgettable memories along the way.
But most importantly, He blessed me to with the opportunity to say that I’ve been raised by the strongest woman anyone can have the privilege to know.
With these and hundreds of other people pouring their thoughts, prayers, time and resources into me, there is no possible way I could have lost. They've played leading roles in my life and will always have a special place in my heart.
In elementary school, when people asked if I was a leader or follower, I would say follower without hesitation. Back then, I thought that leaders always had to push out their chest and speak at every chance they got. And with my soft-spoken personality, the thought of me being in a position of influence was just that -- a thought. But as I grew older, I realized leaders are defined by how they live and by the people they touch. Like Stuart said, why you live and the manner in which you live unquestionably have a major affect on those around you. Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. If I stay true to myself and remain in Him, He will cause me to bear fruit for His glory. He is the vine; I am a branch.
John C. Maxwell, a devote Christian and leadership coach wrote in one of his books,
“No leader is an island. If we are to accomplish a divine mission, we must draw upon a divine power.”
In my life, I definitely called upon a superior essence to accomplish my daily missions. But I never consciously tried to be a leader. I simply asked God to give me wisdom and strength so that I could make my dad proud with every choice I made, word I said and action I committed. But apparently by doing so, I inspired the people who were watching me and I didn’t even know it – similar to the way the Emily and Chris inspired me.
After I resurfaced from Lake Norman and was then proclaimed to “walk in the newness of life,”
the Lord made it clear to me what my role in His plan is. The decade long question was answered. My father’s death and my accomplishments in journalism go hand in hand. Our culture clings on to the extraordinary, not the basic. By giving me such an amazing story of perseverance in the face of adversity, God arranged a unique platform for me to reach other people and to help Him seek and save the lost. It’s not an excuse for me to feel sorry for myself, as Satan tempted me to believe when it first happened.
Leaders are not born; they’re made through fiery trials and tribulations. I didn’t chose to become such a thing, but it is evident to me now that God intends to make me one. People covet the power of influence (read any history book if you don’t believe me) and some may think it’s unfair that God chose to put me in such a position that I didn’t even desire. But Abraham, Mosses, Joshua and the 12 disciples can surely attest to the fact that God’s omniscient timing is perfect, and stepping out of your comfort zone to selflessly complete the work He called you to do
can only culminate in a positive way. In the end, everything worked out for my good, just as Romans said it would.
My journey is far from over; it’s actually just beginning. But it gives me reassurance to finally figure out why the past ten years shaped out the way they did. As Mark Twain said,
“The two most important days in your life are when you are born and the day you find out why.”
Knowing what I know now, I’ve come to the realization that I am to use of my story and my career in order to inspire people and to bring others to Christ in a generation that is aggressively revolting against Him. The Lord gives and He takes away. And even though He took something incredibly important away from me, He gave me a task that is far greater than I could have ever imagined.
“Train up a child in the way of the Lord and when He is old He will not depart from it.”- Proverbs 22:6
Rest in peace old man.
